3 Ironmen having fun training
Two months. 55 days. 1, 1320 hours until Ironman Arizona. Even as I type this out I want to delete every word. I'm scared! I haven't written one word about my training, one blog about this race, and outside of my training plan I haven't chronicled anything. For Ironman St. George I posted a blog, weekly, for the 9 months leading up to the race. This time around I have been too scared to put it out there. Maybe I'm busier, maybe I feel like no one wants to hear about my fears and training again, maybe my finishing an Ironman the first time was beginner's luck. Or maybe it's because, up until just 2 weeks ago, I wasn't truly committed.
Forget the crazy amount of money Ironman costs, the crazy amount of time it takes to train, the insane amount of pressure put on the athlete and subsequent stress to family and friends, up until 2 weeks ago part of me was still looking for an excuse. I doubted myself and my training. I questioned the toll it was taking on my family. I even started to think that I would be doing everyone a disservice by competing, that I would be their hero if I dropped out, a martyr.
Truth is if I quit, I would just be a quitter.
Stepping back and re-thinking helped me realize that I have done the best I could at balancing life, family, work, and training. I haven't been perfect at any of those things, but I have done a perfect job of trying. And to quit would be to throw away all the sacrifices that have been made.
This is scary! I honestly feel like I got lucky last time and this time around I am all on my own. Anything can happen at Ironman. It's a long day. There are many many variables that are out of my control. What I can control is how I handle the next two months. And I plan on being perfect at trying to do my best.
2 weeks ago I called the endurance travel company back, after asking them to try to sell my slot, and told them not to worry about it because I was going through with it, I was doing it. I was committed. The second I decided to be all in was the first time I got really excited about Ironman again.